october 17

"sometimes the least important measure of success is money" - so that has nothing really to do with today's blog but it is the message on my calendar today and I just thought it was a really good one and that the world should hear it...

So today in class we were able to just rehearse for our midterms which was really really great because our group definitely needs to get to work...haha...no offense guys we ALL know it. I'm having some difficulties with the scene that we are doing because it was the scene that I was in when I volunteered to do a cold reading in class. And when I did the scene then I had just come back from being home in Chicago for something really tragic and truly just traumatizing for me...Anyways so at that point I had not found any kind of outlet to let my emotions out, and I am the type of person who really internalizes problems and pain and I just try not to think about them at all and continue with life, so when I did the cold reading of this scene all of those intense emotions that I've been holding inside me were able to vent out through the scene. And I just felt great doing it! I felt impassioned, I felt alive and that I could put my anger and sadness and confusion into the life of a character and just let it all out. It felt great doing the scene and it felt great letting out everything I was feeling...I really felt for Rose and I really was Rose. Everything she said and felt, I truly felt. So anyways, now that time has passed and I have suppressed emotions and found other outlets I'm just finding it really difficult to do this scene. Because now I am acting it in the way that I normally would...now I am not truly feeling like I am the character herself but I feel like I am acting out the part of a character. So this is really frustrating at the moment...I really want to be able to get inside the character and forget that my name is Ellie and forget the life of Ellie and I want to completely feel the everything, the life, the emotions, the passion of Rose. And I had that at one time but now it is just so hard to get back...this is my dilemma at the moment...I'm just going to keep on working and see where it takes me and what happens.


PS - I will respond to the prompt in my next blog...I'm just not feeling it right now but I'll do it tomorrow or something