Sept 26

I haven't written in a while...just have a lot going on a lot on my mind...I've realized how unimportant the things are that I am constantly worrying about in life and that I need to spend more time appreciating things. Ok onwardssssss...tangent! Today in class I volunteered to do the cold reading type thing and ended up feeling absolutely great. I always forget why I really truly love theater until I'm actually performing and then it all becomes so clear to me and I remember...it's just that with acting you are able to completely forget your life and take on the life of someone else. And you have to feel their emotions and BE them and so you feel what that character feels but you can forget everything everything else. It is really nice to be able to channel the passion you are feeling in your life into something constructive when you dont know what to do with yourself...anyways I just got really passionate about the role which was kinda ridiculous but it was really nice to be ANGRY and SAD and UPSET about something that was unrelated to me but I could just get those emotions out into the world and yell....we all need that sometimes, right? I need it now! I got to be Rose in a really great scene - (note to self maybe our team awesome wants to do this scene?? remember it...) where Troy tells her that he has been cheating on her and is going to have another child. Anyways this scene is just so intense and so passionate and she gets to be like WHAT the HELL and its really intense...

Ok so in class today - we talked about directing...I've always found theater stuff comes to me pretty naturally but it's true that there are a lot of things I've overlooked. I've never directed anything before and every choice I've made has been onstage as an actor...Fusi today made me realize how important every decision the director makes is when he was talking about the scene that we acted out. He was saying how the director chooses if they want Troy in the center of the stage - his stuggle, his revelation to Rose, his confusion and the audience should notice him the most in this scene. Or Rose could be in the middle - her anger, her frustration, her shock that the man she has been married to for 18 years has cheated on her. Her reaction to the situation and the pain she is feeling could be what the director wants the audience to focus on. Or the director could want the focus on Gabe and how Rose and Troy are fighting and he is between them and Troy is taking his money and using him and Rose is giving him food and helping him and Gabe really just wants to impress Troy and make Troy love him and Rose is in his way right now...anyways that's when it really hit me how important the dircetor's small choices are because they completely shift the focus of the play and the meaningfulness. I liked how Fusi said the director "brings everyone together and tries to maintain some sanity". How true...I also liked how he said the director always has to know what he/she wants, and that once you don't know what you are looking for, then you have a problem. The director always has to have his/her vision and not let it go, not let it slip, not let insanity take over.